Acho que está muito próximo do texto que o próprio teria escrito, e falado.
Parabéns ao Dana Milibank. Penetrou na alma do grande idiota.
Paulo Roberto de Almeida
President Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech
The Washington Post, May 2, 2018
“President Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize.”
— South Korean President
“No-bel! No-bel! No-bel!”
— Audience at Trump’s Michigan rally Saturday
NOBEL PEACE PRIZE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH OF PRESIDENT TRUMP
OSLO, DEC. 10, 2018
Your Majesties, Your Royal Highnesses, distinguished members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee:
I have received a lot of honors — like, a lot. I was on
the cover of Time more than anybody else. I went to the best schools. I was elected president on my first try. It was the biggest
electoral college landslide since Reagan. But people tell me this is a big honor — the biggest, maybe. And I think this is very good for you, because your ratings are going through the roof right now. This crowd is much bigger than Obama’s was.
People don’t know this, but some other top guys like Nelson Mandela have won this award before. He’s done an amazing job and
is being recognized more and more, even though South Africa is
a crime-ridden mess that is just waiting to explode — not a good situation for the people! Anyway, with me, you’re breaking all the records.
You’re welcome.
I love Norwegians! I want more immigrants from Norway and others who have the same merit-based complexion that Norwegians have. Why are we having all these people from shithole
countries? Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out.
They all have AIDS.
I thought I was going get this peace prize when I told your prime minister in January that I was sending Norway some
F-52 fighter jets. People laughed and said the F-52 only exists in the video game “
Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare.” But they aren’t laughing anymore, because we also sent Norway
barrels full of Xbox Ones.
The haters and the liars say I don’t deserve this award. They make up
fake newsabout how I
invented the country of Nambia,
shoved the prime minister of Montenegro,
thought the prime minister of Singapore was from Indonesia,
mistookNew Zealand’s prime minister for Justin Trudeau’s wife, called Israel’s Holocaust memorial “
so amazing,”
admired Brigitte Macron’s body,
rewrote the history of Napoleon’s Russia invasion,
substituted a porn actress’s name for the British prime minister’s,
mixed up the names for China and Taiwan, and had
missile talks while guests at Mar-a-Lago listened.
Wrong!
I was, like, really smart, when I made peace with Rocket Man. By calling him short and fat and saying I would totally destroy him with
fire and fury from my big and powerful nuclear button, I got him to negotiate. He still hasn’t given up his nuclear weapons, but he has agreed to stop calling me a dotard. In exchange I have agreed not to attack him, and I have given California to North Korea.
I am bringing peace to the rest of the world, too — peace from terrible, horrible and disgusting deals like the Paris accord and the Trans-Pacific Partnership. The world’s shipping lanes are now more peaceful and quiet. Trade wars
are good, and easy to win! I might give people peace from other stupid deals: the insane
Iran nuclear deal, the terrible Cuba exchange deal, the worst ever
Australia refugee deal,
bad-joke NAFTA and
obsolete NATO. We have also made air travel more peaceful by making sure
people from Syria, Iran, Libya, Somalia and Yemen don’t visit America.
Your Majesties and Highnesses, people who worked for me
once said “do not congratulate!” — but I fired most of them. So come on,
get up and applaud. You are so lucky that I gave you that privilege.
Twitter: @Milbank
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